Daily Reflections reading August
2nd
We Become Willing
At the moment we are trying to put our lives in
order. But this is not an end in itself. ALCOHOLIC
ANONYMOUS page 77
How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God’s will for me.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on August 2nd Reading
Steps eight and nine are concerned with
personal relations. First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we
have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we
have done, third having thus cleaned away the debris of the past we consider
how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, so we can develop the best
possible relations with every human being we know
Concerned with personal relations with
others and myself, is about asking forgiveness for myself along with my forgiving
everyone for harms done, HARMS are: injury, hurt, damage, misfortune, grief,
pain, sorrow, evil, or wrong, I need to make amends for most of these things I
did to others again asking forgiveness
Personally I think the fear of even thinking of forgiven others
was my biggest obstacle in the beginning of recovery, it was very hard to not
let go of the anger I had, for thing I perceived others did to poor me, some of
the things that did happen were hurtful to me, but resentments had no place in
my recovery
Another touchy subject there were a lot of things I thought could
be skipped over, because I did things to some, but at the same time they
wronged me, my thinking was one hand washes the other in theses cases, but the
truth of the matter is I did not want to go over these obstacles EVER Again
I
had to look at purposeful forgetting real close, because of my blackout
drinking most of the time I had third hand information on what I did, like a
good drunk, I sure did not believe I did those entire thing, some I did
remember, but just let it slide, not at first willing to make amends, because I
feared it would Open old wounds
Steps four and six were necessity for the exhaustive survey of
myself and all my personal actions this was really a huge obstacle, who wants
to admit they are wrong in the first place and to look at all my past faults,
WOW I never thought I had any, till my wonderful sponsor started to point them
out in step four and again in step six
He told me to always balance the negative
things with the positive things, after all we were not always doing wrong, we
all had sum redeeming qualities, I had to look real deep, an awareness of my
self was a very positive thing, it helped me to seek Gods will for me, it was
one of the great things about doing a fourth step with my sponsor
Whom I hand absolute trust in, an believe
me he was not going to accept anything less than complete thoroughness in this
step, most of the harms I did when I lied or stole from places, I just did not
want to admit my faults in these areas with those who I had harmed, like the
stores I stole from
Or the many people I lied to because I
needed to look important and wanted to fit in with the rest of my friends, but
these amends had to be made at some point, I always was judging others, looking
at all there faults I could very nicely hide my own, I tried to make them look
bad in the eyes of others gossip was a big thing in the clubs
I could keep up with the best of them,
when doing the fourth step, I started to judge myself and even wondered it
anyone would ever talk to me again after all I put them thru, well with the
sponsor I had you damn well had better be objective about everything and
everyone on that 100-page list of harms done and amends to make
Again I stress the positive must balance
out the negative in our amends to everyone, it was a relief to know most of
them did forgive me and for the other who could not forgive, well I tried to
just clean up the wreckage on my side of the street, I had to forgive myself in
these cases so I would not hold resentment
Making that list in Step eight and being willing to go to any
length to stay sober gave my the freedom to see how I was just a part of the
great whole
God bless you Al M
Please
feel free to mail suggestions or comments
