Daily Reflections reading January 11th
The 100% Step
Only
Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over
alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE
TRADITIONS, p. 68
Long
before I was able to obtain sobriety in A.A., I knew without a doubt that
alcohol was killing me, yet even with this knowledge, I was unable to stop
drinking. So, when faced with Step One, I found it easy to admit that I lacked
the power to not drink. But was my life unmanageable? Never! Five months after
coming into A.A., I was drinking again and wondered why.
Later
on, back in A.A. and smarting from my wounds, I learned that Step One is the
only Step that can be taken 100%. And that the only way to take it 100% is to
take 100% of the Step. That was many twenty-four hours ago and I haven’t had to
take Step One again.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on January 11th Reading
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives
had become unmanageable, practically no one cares to admit complete defeat, all
natural instincts cry out against it, with the idea of my being powerless my
will power was useless, no other kind of bankruptcy is like alcoholism
I had to look at this absolute fear, humiliation and
hopelessness, thru admitting defeat I was now able to take my first steps
toward freedom from alcoholism, my powerlessness turns out to be firm bedrock
that a happy life could be built on
The admitting is the easy part, but accepting alcoholism was
the part I did not understand, if I was to start the process I had to admit and
accept my own powerlessness over alcohol, as will as my family members
alcoholism, I had no control over theirs any more than I had any control over
my own
I had to accept that by myself I just could not behave in a
normal fashion, Step one the 100% step says my powerlessness is only about my
alcoholism, it doesn't say I was powerless over everything, the step makes it
clear that my life was a mess because of the alcoholism
The admission and acceptance of my need for help is the most
powerful action I could take on my own behalf, but fear could keep me powerless
over everything, if I don’t follow the Steps this was going to take all the
honesty and humility I could muster up
Step one is the only one I needed to do with absolute 100 %
perfection to accept and surrender to the disease, it is but the very beginning
of recovery of a three-fold disease physical, mental, and spiritual all the
other steps are useless if I do not surrender and accept step one
Admitting I was an alkie was just not the same as admitting
I was powerless, if I wanted to stop I would have to admit and accept my powerlessness,
I can't drink in safety ever again, I finally ACCEPTED the disease I just had
nothing left in me, I was alone
Totally hopeless, full of guilt, remorse, shame, fear,
despair, and hopelessness I had no life left to manage, thank God this step was
designed to restore me to a balance in my view of myself, the notion that I was
forever powerless could keep me in a victim role, that I played very well
It gave me many excuses to avoid responsibility for anything
or anyone, the first step is just the beginning of a process of letting go, I
think it works best when I really understand this, and accept I have to be the
one to change almost everything about me and my attitudes
My sponsor told me to writing about the times I drank, when
I did not intend to drink, and got drunk when I was only going to have a
couple, when I was just going to stop at so many, this was another way to bring
these to the front of my memory and it worked
Doing this writing had the effect of helping me remember
more of the times when I was total insane
Thinking I could stop when I wanted to, I know writing about
my powerlessness over alcohol was an invaluable tool in my recovering from my
disease and help to restore me to sanity
Even after all this I still had a real hard time in seeking
out this HP they talked about at all the meetings it almost scared me off but I
was willing to go to any length, because of my sponsor I did have the open mind
to the changes I had to make if I was ever to be able to face life free from my
disease
God bless you Al M.
Please feel free to mail
suggestions or comments
