Daily
Reflections reading May 22nd
Step One
WE
. . . (The first word of the First Step) TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p.
21
When
I was drinking all I could ever think about was “I, I, I,” or “Me, Me, Me.”
Such painful obsessions of self, such soul sickness, such spiritual selfishness
bound me to the bottle for more than half my life. The journey to find God and
to do His will one day at a time began with the first word of the First Step .
. . “We.” There was power in numbers, there was strength in numbers, there was
safety in numbers, and for an alcoholic like me, there was life in numbers, If
I had tried to recover alone I probably would have died. With God and another
alcoholic I have a divine purpose in my life . . . I have become a channel for
God’s healing love.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on May 22nd Reading
We, meaning everyone who joins the twelve
step program, admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become
unmanageable, practically no one cares to admit complete defeat all natural
instincts cry out against it
With the idea of my being powerless my
will power was useless, no other kind of bankruptcy is like alcoholism, I had
to look at this absolute fear, humiliation, and hopelessness, thru admitting
defeat I was now able to take my first steps toward freedom from alcoholism
My powerlessness turns out to be firm
bedrock that a happy life could be built on, the admitting is the easy part,
but accepting alcoholism was the part I did not understand, if I was to start
the real recovery process I had to admit my powerlessness
I had to admit and accept my own
powerlessness over alcohol, as will as my family members alcoholism I had no
control over theirs any more than I had any control over my own, I had to
accept that by myself I just could not behave in a normal fashion
Step one says my powerlessness is only
about my alcoholism, it doesn't say I was powerless over everything, the Step
makes it clear that my life was a mess because of the alcoholism, the admission
and acceptance of my need for help, is the most powerful action I could take on
my own behalf
In many meetings today the view is that
we are powerless forever, over everything, but this is a myth that has grown up
in the halls and in treatment centers, it's sloppy thinking not what the step
intended
The reasons behind the myth of
powerlessness comes from fear of relapse, or fear of losing control of another,
this fear can keep me powerless over everything, if I don’t follow the steps
This was going to take all the honesty
and humility I could muster up, step one is the only one I needed to do with
absolute perfection, to accept and surrender to the disease, it is but the very
beginning of recovery
Of a three-fold disease physical, mental,
and spiritual, all the other steps are useless if we do not surrender and
accept step one this is the 100% step admitting I was an alkie, was just not
the same as admitting I was powerless
If I wanted to stop I would have to admit
and accept my powerlessness I can't drink in safety ever again, I finally
ACCEPTED the disease I just had nothing left in me, I was alone totally
hopeless full of guilt, remorse, shame, fear, despair, and hopelessness
I had no life left to manage, thank God
this step was designed to restore me to a balance in my view of myself, the
notion that I was forever powerless, could keep me in a victim role that I
played very well
It gave me many excuses to avoid
responsibility for anything, or anyone, the first step is just that the
beginning of a process of letting go, I think it works best when I really
understand this, and to accept
I have to be the one to change almost
everything about me and my attitudes not the attitudes of other people, places,
and things in my life, my knowledge of the disease came from many sources, like
AA and Alanon books, the AA 12 &12book,
I listened in meetings and got more
information, I found a sponsor he gave me more help my sponsor told me to
writing about the times I drank when I did not intend to drink and got drunk
when I was only going to have a couple
When I was just going to stop at so many,
this was another way to bring these to the front of my memory, it worked Doing
this writing had the effect of helping me remember more of the times when I was
total insane
Thinking I could stop when I wanted to, I
know writing about my powerlessness over alcohol was an invaluable tool in my
recovering from my disease and helps to restore me to sanity, even after all this
I still had a real hard time in seeking out this HP they talked about at all
the meetings
It almost scared me off but I was willing
to go to any length, and because of my sponsor I did have the open mind to the
changes he told me I had to make if I was ever to be able to face life free
from my disease
God bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
