Daily
Reflections reading October 11th
Self Restraint
Our
first objective will be the development of self-restraint.
TWELVE
STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91
My drive to work provides me with an
opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to
review my progress in sobriety, and I was not happy with what I saw. I hoped
that, as the workday progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but
as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only
Increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting. I
retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make
the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I
instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying
to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself.
I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned
to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow
and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my workstation, determined to make
the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that
day.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World
Services
My thoughts on October 11th Reading
Self-restraint there have
been many time in my sobriety that I wish I had practiced a little more of this
self restraint, it was not my top priority in early recovery, there were many
hasty and nasty things I did and said in the early days
Thank God I have been given the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant as my sobriety progressed but some days, being human I can snap and judge someone in a tirade that they do not deserve as the big book says nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen
I know I had to avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious argument, yes some times I will sulk, or silently get very irritable, and discontent, those days are real emotional booby traps I bring upon myself by my pride and vengefulness, my need to be right at any cost
Some times being right is really not all that important, I had to learn I do not have to go to every argument I was invited to, have to again agree with the writings, disagreeable or unexpected problems are not the only ones that call for self-control,
I did have to be careful when I began to achieve some measure of importance and material success when good fortune came my way it felt good to important and wanted, but it also had its pitfalls of raising my ego, or my grandiosity
This was very dangerous
territory to be going into with out the help of my sponsor, being sober finding
some self-esteem, I had to be real vigilant to not become the big-shot, I used
to think I was, I have to remember that I was sober only by the grace of God,
He is the one guiding my life today
Yes too I was emotionally ill and frequently wrong, it took a long time to learn tolerance and find out what real love means, it is foolish to be angry, or to get hurt by, people who are suffering from the pains of growing up in recovery like I was
Today I can truthfully say
I do love everybody, this does not mean that I will accept unacceptable
behavior for anyone, it does not mean that I like everyone, but I must love you
all, so I stay right sized myself, I needed this in order to keep myself
balanced
Anytime I say I hate
someone this turns into an instant resentment, to fear, or hate, tolerance was
needed, this does not happen over night it takes time today I try not to make
unreasonable demands upon anyone I try to show kindness to all
Even the ones who are
trying their best to be argumentative, after all this is exactly the way I was
when I came into the halls of AA would argue with anyone about anything just so
I would not have to look at my own faults
God Bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
