Daily Reflections reading August
11th
Removing The Ground Glass
The moral inventory is a cool examination of the
damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in
a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us,
the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 140 Letter, 1957
My Eighth Step list used to drag me into a whirlpool of resentment. After four years of sobriety, I was blocked by denial connected with an ongoing abusive relationship. The argument between fear and pride eased as the words of the Step moved from my head to my heart. For the first time in years I opened my box of paints and poured out an honest rage, an explosion of reds and blacks and yellows. As I looked at the drawing, tears of joy and relief flowed down my cheeks. In my disease, I had given up my art, a self-inflicted punishment far greater than any imposed from outside. In my recovery, I learned that the pain of my defects is the very substance God uses to cleanse my character and to set me free
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on August 11th
Reading
Fearless and searching moral inventory
well that sure scared the crap out of me only because I started to look at all
the bad things that happened in my life my first attempt at looking at
everything that others did to me or I perceived they did Not too much about how
I treated others or any of the real wrongs that I did to them
I had a very angry and negative way of
taken a look at myself because I felt I was the victim and my first attempt at
the inventory was of course what everyone did to ME! When I started doing the
fourth step I started to see how wrong I had been how I hurt so many people I
did not like what I saw looking at all the crap I pulled
I did not have any acceptance of anyone
else’s feelings until I arrived at the doors of aa broken and twisted
hopelessly lost person in that bottle of booze
Looking at how I was at fault trying to control everyone and every thing
in my life I wanted everyone to look up to me love me and have respect for me
even when I lied
I demanded too much from them I was
playing God with the lives of everyone around me it was really a drunken stupid
one-sided relationship I had with the whole world I was told to look at what
part I play in all this crap I wrote out still blaming others I was told to
start over and do it right after all moral is what’s right and wrong in you and
your attitude
Not in those you perceived did wrongs to
you in your drunken life I had to start to make a list of all the people that I
harmed planning to make amends to them later Looking at the fearless part for
all the wrong thing I did written down in this inventory I had to also look at
as many positive things that happened in my life real hard to do When you think
your a piece of pond scum and not worth any thing
Well the positive kept me balanced and
focused on the meaning of this inventory I had to look at all of the good
things in my life to balance off all the sick things I did drinking It took me
a long time to accept that I could change and become the person God wanted me
to be But I had to find that acceptance of myself and be willing to change the
person I was
I had to learn how to forgive myself and
also had to ask forgiveness from those who I hurt this inventory was to help me
get the stuff out of my head and on paper where I can't project on it Only then
would I be able to honesty share it with another human being in my fifth step
it was the beginning of forgiven myself and moving on with my new life walking
with God
Keeping an attitude of gratitude is what
we all should strive for in this new life forgiven others as God has forgiven
us I don't know what Gods plans are But am glad to be part of them today for He
is my guide to this new freedom God does know who I am and what I have done and
He has already forgiven me
God has worked wonders in my acceptance
of myself and of others in my life He keeps me right sized and I like being
just another bozo in the middle of the bus
God bless you Al M
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