Daily
Reflections reading January 3rd
Powerless
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21
It is
no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of
personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of
recovery. I’ve learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought
I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over
having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don’t
work) the Steps. But I’ve also learned I am not powerless over some things. I
am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am
not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the
power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in
which I live.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on January 3rd Reading
The admitting is the easy part, but accepting my alcoholism
was the part I did not understand, if I was to start the recovering process, I
had to admit my powerlessness, accept by myself I cannot behave in a normal
fashion when drunk
Step one says my powerlessness is only about my alcoholism,
it doesn't say I was powerless over anything else, the step makes it clear that
my life became unmanageable because of the alcoholism I like everyone else who
comes thru our doors I had problems living life on life’s terms
If I don’t follow
the Steps, I know for me this was going to take all the honesty and humility I
could muster up, step one is the only one I needed to do with absolute
perfection to accept and surrender to my disease admit alone I am powerless
This was the very beginning of recovery of a three fold
disease, physical, mental, and spiritual, all the other steps are useless if I
did not surrender and accept step one, I admitted I was an alcoholic some 15
years before I knew what that really was
Why else would I act the way I did, admitting I was an alkie
was just not the same as admitting I was powerless, if I wanted to stop, I
would have to admit that powerlessness, I would also have to accept I can't
drink in safety ever again, hard to accept ever again
What a relief to finally accept my powerlessness over
drinking, when I went to a treatment center that’s where I really surrender to
my disease, I finally ACCEPTED I was an alcoholic, I needed help I just had
nothing left in me
I was alone totally hopeless, full of remorse, guilt, fear,
and hopelessness, I had no life left to manage so I had become as desperate as
a dying man could be, Thank God this step was designed to restore me to a
balance in my view of myself, the notion that I was forever powerless
Could keep me in a victim role that I played very well when
drunk, it gave me a lot of excuses to avoid responsibility for anything or any
one, the first step is just that the beginning of a process of letting go of my
alcoholism I think it works best when I really understand this
To accept powerlessness, I have to be the one to change
almost everything about me and my attitudes, not the attitudes of other people,
places, and things, in my life, my knowledge of the disease came from many
sources like the Big Book, the 12 & 12, listening in AA meetings etc.
I found a sponsor he gave me more help, I learned how to
become honest with myself and others, my sponsor told me to writing about the
times I drank, when I did not intend to drink and got drunk, when I was only
going to have a couple, when I was just going to stop at so many
This was another way to bring these to the front of my
memory and consciousness, doing this writing had the effect of helping me
remember more of the times when I was total insane, thinking I could stop when
I wanted to
Writing about my powerlessness over alcohol was another tool
in my recovering from my disease, it helps to restore me to sanity, even after
all this I still had a real hard time in seeking out this HP they talked about,
almost scared me off, but I was willing to go to any length to stay sober
I had an unmanageable life, I was insane to think that I
could still drink and expect to have different results, time after time the
miracle was just going to happen this time, I just knew it was going to be
different each time, so I drink
I sure was insane, but you know the thing is I did get
different results each time I drank, I lost a little more every time I tried it
differently, finally I had lost everything near and dear to me, then the
powerlessness of my life caught up with me I just did not want to go on anymore
Lost in a pit of despair and hopelessness I was going to
kill myself end it all not worth living, again that powerlessness to think that
I could not go on living with out my family or friends, never in my life did I
think I could change myself and my attitudes to start over again
Real nut case when I got to the doors of AA, but I did come
in hopeless, full of fear, and self pity, then I was told that I was powerless
only when I put the drink into me, but AA has given me a way out surrender
completely to God to AA and to myself start working on the 12 steps
God Bless Al M
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