Daily Reflections reading May 12th
The Past Is Over
A.A.
experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and
the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If. . . Step Four . . . has
revealed in stark relief those experiences we’d rather not remember . . . then
the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday
gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them. TWELVE
STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55
Whatever
is done is over. It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed
through talking with those who have gone before and with sponsors. I can wish
the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done,
my attitude will change. I won’t have to wish the past away. I can change my
feelings and attitudes, but only through my actions and the help of my fellow
alcoholics.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on May 12th Reading
Taken steps one two and three I found the God of my
understanding, an all loving forgiven God
This took me into step four, with some confidence that He
was not going to judge me for harms caused when I was out there drinking
When I wrote my fourth Step inventory I admitted to God and
myself the wrongs I did while in the turmoil of my drinking days, with out that
fear, yes it was truly a fearless inventory even if I was scared to start it
another false fear put aside
Step five is where I now needed to go in order to stop
hiding and begin to take responsibility for myself knowing what I had done, the
lives I have messed up, the places I was no longer welcome, all the creditors I
had screwed over, in my self centered ways
How was I going to tell another human being my inventory, I
sure did not want to admit my defects of character all the flaws I found in
that fourth step, all the wrongs I did and problems I caused the God of my
understanding knew what I had done but his love was unconditional
He did not Judge me for my faults using my free will, He
helped my thru that fourth step, but I still consciously had to admit these
things to God, because if I did not then I would lose that little bit of
humility I had been given so I sat quietly and tried to offer up a simple
prayer
Asking His will be done, help me change my old habits to
become usefully whole again, please take the desire to drink away from me and
help me with my shortcomings and character defects, a sense of relief did come
over me that night
I took another look at what I had written down in my
inventory, I finally own up to it with my sponsor that other human being OUCH,
when I tried to justify parts or blame it on others he came to the rescue he
simply said just stop and take responsibility for your part this is all about
you not others
This step is not to make me feel badly about myself, it is
simply to recognize that I was the one who did those things; I am now in a
process of change and move on to a new life, when I read my whole inventory to
my sponsor
Because he was the one person I knew in my heart I could
trust to hold my inventory in confidence and he took it to the grave with him,
the fifth Step can be scary but it's one of the most powerful actions we can
take toward becoming whole and sane
With the willingness to move forward into recovery now
knowing someone else knows where I came from and what I am now willing to do to
change my attitudes towards life and to attune my will to what God's will is
for me today
The past is over, but I need to look into my past often
today it has become my best asset to help others find what recovery is all
about the Twelve Steps our of our selves and into a new conscious contact with
the God of our new understanding
God Bless you Al M
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