Daily Reflections reading November 17th

 

Overcoming Loneliness

 

 

Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didnít quite belong. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90

 

The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good to maintain contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that, when everything seems to go wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation.

 

© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services

 

My thoughts on November 17th Reading

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair, this sums up my beginnings, I remember when I got here I sure was lonely and in, lost everything and at that time everyone in my life, I sure did not feel like telling anyone about that so I went to treatment

Started to go to meetings, listened but just sat and listened not wanting to share how really lonely I felt, guess the fear of being rejected was greater than the need to open up, but soon I started to make some friends I started to share

It felt good to have friends, but I just shared a little about myself, because I still did not trust anyone in the rooms, today I know it was because I was not trustworthy and thought everyone else was like me, always looking for what they can get from me

Doing Step five I was not alone anymore all the pain I had been carrying around with me for so many years was out there for everyone to see I found the pain over some of my actions was so intense I needed to work step four and five together

I shared my resentments with my sponsor after I wrote them, he helped me to see my part and my defects of character, he helped me to see the gifts of this step, patience, tolerance, trust, honesty and acceptance of my past

Acceptance came in this step for me, first was the acceptance from my sponsor and my Higher Power, I felt I belong here, I was loved despite all that I had done, they gave me the acceptance, showed me I was not perfect,

That was nothing to worry about progress not perfection is all my sponsor said, after sharing my fourth and fifth steps I learned I could trust him completely, thatís when my loneliness started to go away the more people I trusted the less lonely I became

But even in recovery we have those times that we get lonely, things happen and we find ourselves alone, like when Sandy was in hospital three Christmas and new years in a row, all my friends from AA were there for me but going home at night alone

What a "remember when" I think we just grew closer in those times we were apart, going home alone brought a lot of fears to our minds about life itself, was she going to be Ok, or she wonder if I would be alive the next day after my heart attack,

Sure we trusted in God but the moments alone did bring back fears and some anger, they stayed with us until we could turn them over to God, just knowing He is always with us is a comfort, but we do need to remember He is there and all though we are lonely at times we are never alone

God will never leave us in our time of need, my trust in Him is not perfect, so yes at times I feel the loneliness and some of the despair of things going on, God does not give us anymore than we can handle but He sure pushes to the limit at times

I think but then my best thinking was what got me to the halls

God bless you Al M

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