Daily Reflections reading November 17th
Overcoming
Loneliness
Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn’t quite belong. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90
The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good to maintain contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that, when everything seems to go wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on November 17th Reading
No words can tell of the loneliness and
despair, this sums up my beginnings, I remember when I got here I sure was
lonely and in, lost everything and at that time everyone in my life, I sure did
not feel like telling anyone about that so I went to treatment
Started to go to meetings, listened but
just sat and listened not wanting to share how really lonely I felt, guess the
fear of being rejected was greater than the need to open up, but soon I started
to make some friends I started to share
It felt good to have friends, but I just
shared a little about myself, because I still did not trust anyone in the
rooms, today I know it was because I was not trustworthy and thought everyone
else was like me, always looking for what they can get from me
Doing Step five I was not alone anymore
all the pain I had been carrying around with me for so many years was out there
for everyone to see I found the pain over some of my actions was so intense I
needed to work step four and five together
I shared my resentments with my sponsor
after I wrote them, he helped me to see my part and my defects of character, he
helped me to see the gifts of this step, patience, tolerance, trust, honesty
and acceptance of my past
Acceptance came in this step for me,
first was the acceptance from my sponsor and my Higher Power, I felt I belong
here, I was loved despite all that I had done, they gave me the acceptance,
showed me I was not perfect,
That was nothing to worry about progress
not perfection is all my sponsor said, after sharing my fourth and fifth steps
I learned I could trust him completely, that’s when my loneliness started to go
away the more people I trusted the less lonely I became
But even in recovery we have those times
that we get lonely, things happen and we find ourselves alone, like when Sandy
was in hospital three Christmas and new years in a row, all my friends from AA
were there for me but going home at night alone
What a "remember when" I think
we just grew closer in those times we were apart, going home alone brought a
lot of fears to our minds about life itself, was she going to be Ok, or she
wonder if I would be alive the next day after my heart attack,
Sure we trusted in God but the moments alone did bring back fears
and some anger, they stayed with us until we could turn them over to God, just
knowing He is always with us is a comfort, but we do need to remember He is
there and all though we are lonely at times we are never alone
God will never leave us in our time of
need, my trust in Him is not perfect, so yes at times I feel the loneliness and
some of the despair of things going on, God does not give us anymore than we
can handle but He sure pushes to the limit at times
I
think but then my best thinking was what got me to the halls
God bless you Al M
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