Daily Reflections reading
December 19th
Understanding The Malady
When
dealing with an alcoholic, there may be a natural annoyance that a man could be
so weak, stupid and irresponsible. Even when you understand the malady better,
you may feel this feeling rising. ALCOHOLICS
ANONYMOUS, p. 139
Having
suffered from alcoholism, I should understand the illness, but sometimes I feel
annoyance, even contempt, toward a person who cannot make it in A.A. When I
feel that way, I am satisfying my false sense of superiority and I must
remember, but for the grace of God, there go I.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World
Services
My thoughts on
December 19th Reading
To give this knowledge away, is how AA
works sharing, our experience strengths, and hopes I have seen many tragic
things happen, like sickness, death, but none a reason to drink to this day I have
never seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed the AA path
Very hard not to let the Malady of this
disease get me at times, not just in recovery but in life itself
I am human and I would like every thing
to run like clock works but even a clock breaks down at times, so
discouragement is a part of my life, its what I do when I get discouraged that
counts
Do I sit and sulk, or get drunk, or do I
do the next right thing, like talk things over with another friend
Do I seek any other kinds of help from
professionals, I have found many times in my sober life things that were very
discouraging and I have felt the hopelessness and despair
Of what I perceived failures in my
twelfth step work watching people your trying to help slipping and sliding, I
have seen way to many who would not give themselves to this simple program, I
had a hard time believing some are constitutionally incapable of being honest
But after watching our son keep on
drinking, knowing it will kill him I see there are unfortunates he is like so
many others we see in our own journey, incapable of developing a manner of
living which demands rigorous honesty
My son spent seventeen days on life
support in Sept 2003, was taken off the life support and next day he and left
against medical advice to go to Virginia to be with his wife and start over
again, the geographical cure lasted about eleven months doing it on he own
After another six months of drinking he
went into hospital in February of 2005 bleeding out again and now needs a liver
transplant he had to have an operation to stop the bleeding in the veins in his
esophagus’s Of the people who have this vain bleeding, about half die within 6
weeks
About 50% of people who have enlarging
of the veins die within 2 years he was sent home and was told needed to follow
strict guidelines if he wanted to be on the transplant list but still was not
willing to listen to the doctors
This disease is a killer kidney failure
can occur in cases of advanced liver disease stemming from cirrhosis this is
way they now can't put him on transplant list so yes we all can get discouraged
a frustrated at times knowing that alcoholism can be arrested working the
program into our lives
I have shared my experiences about what
his odds are if he should not try to follow directions of doctors I have seen
this happen to so many in the AA program but when its your own kid it is more
frustrating and knowing the end results is scary
I can not tell you the heartache this
has caused in the past 20 years of watching our son slowly kill himself my 35
years sober in AA can not do a thing to save his butt the desire to drink is
just to great with in him and he can't get honest with himself or anyone around
him
Prayer got him thru in 2003 and 2005 we
are still hoping and praying he sees the light and does what needs to be done
but to this day he is still drinking has been in and out of hospitals about
every six to eight months bleeding out needed transfusion and he still leaves
against medical advice
To watch your own dying slowly and very
painfully is enough to make anyone angry and frustrated
All we can do is pray for a miracle fear
depression anger rage and resentments are all right there on my shoulder just
waiting like the bottle to take over my life again
This brings back to the frustration of
the malady of my own alcoholism, of all the times I thought I could do it my
way remembering all the times I saw tears rolling down the cheeks of my mom
because I was to damn stubborn to see life was not all about ME
The big difference is that I have God at
my side today and by using God when times get rough is a blessing I usually
will turn to Him first because I have in daily practice been turning to Him to
help me stay away from that first drink
This repetitive action saved my sanity
and yes even my life more than once in recovery Sandy and I also have many
health problems today and we do get very discouraged at times I have seen the
disease at its worst in my family was willing to go to any length, by doing and
living all twelve steps of the program
I can not ever forget I am deal with
alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful just waiting for me to forget, just
like my son keeps forgetting because he is not following any kind of path to
recovery
I do know the principles are guides to
progress, spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection
Knowing the deadly malady of this
disease nothing will insure my own recovery as much as work with other
alcoholics it does works when others have fail My life takes on a new meaning
watching people grow to see the light come on and watch them transform
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