Daily
Reflections reading October 19th
A.A.’s Main Taproot
The
principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete
defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and
flowered. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 21-22
Defeated,
and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the
unknown. A power outside of myself had picked me up off my bed, guided me to
the phone book, then to the bus stop, and through the doors of Alcoholics
Anonymous. Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted,
something I had not felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of
wonder I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my
entire life.
©
Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on October 19th Reading
It sucks to think I am powerless, I want to be able to get
up in the morning and be able to plan my day around my family, I wanted to turn
over my alcoholism to this HP and then go forward, according to my plans, and
not look back (like that ever worked)
AA has taught me I have a disease, no matter how much I think I have it under control, it lies in wait ready to jump in when I am my weakest and ruin my serenity, my life was truly unmanageable
I handled life's problems with alcohol, I knew my life is
out of control, my life was unmanageable because I never wanted to manage it in
the first place, I have learned, over the years, in this program, that serenity
comes from a power grater than myself
The first step is acceptance. I used to think I could not
accept my disease, I believe acceptance is an honest look into my personal
life, seeing the real me I have faults, I have good traits, I have this disease
I had to look at myself and begin with the truth, just taken
who I am now, finding that moment of clarity and truth, to bring me to the
place where I am, so I could see AA’s Higher Power I am now ready to find this
Higher Power for myself
When I started program, I did not really see the need to
turn anything over, this slogan sounded good and people liked to say it a lot
but I just did not get this turn it over to a condemning vengeful God of my old
understanding
Today I know that God was with me, even during my periods of
drunkenness and depression when I felt alone, isolated, full of guilt, shame,
and remorse, God was with me, He never once left me, but I sure left Him behind
often still thinking He would condemn me
I now know the solution is completely in His hands, I
believe that God speaks to me through other people when I need to hear it most,
During a meeting, I shared that this was the first place I
felt accepted, everyone there said out loud you are accepted here, today I know
that was God answering my prayers, I was accepted with all my faults and
everything these just did not matter to them
I can quickly forget
painful experiences, or mistakes, the Big Book, tells us that we are without
defense from the first drink, this is even true when I know in my head that
something is bad for me this is what being powerless over alcohol
If I could quit based on my free will, I would not need the
12 steps, but I cannot, I need the program, all of you, I could not do it
alone, I need help, only the 12 steps, my friends in recovery, and God can keep
my recovery on track one day at a time
Yes I sure had a mental obsession, so subtly powerful, that
no amount of human willpower could break it this tells me my disease cannot be
cured, or arrested, through willpower, My experience is that willpower is
totally and completely worthless when it comes alcohol
Through working this program over the last 35 years, I
learned so much about myself, why I was always an angry person, for no apparent
reason to be angry, I experienced a great amount of pain that I held inside of
me for many years
These subconscious feelings that were deep inside of me,
were the reason I needed alcohol to drown the feelings out, willpower is no
defense for alcoholism, my sponsor told me if I thing will power works try it
on diarrhea and let me know how you make out
Please feel free to mail
suggestions or comments
