Daily
Reflections reading April 1st
Looking With-In
Made
a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE
TRADITIONS, p. 42
Step
Four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in
each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my
natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this
has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are,
I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to
do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.
To
resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of
myself. Such an awareness doesn’t happen overnight, and no one’s self-awareness
is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness,
through an honest encounter with reality. When I don’t avoid issues but meet
them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on April 1st Reading
Looking with-In my instincts far exceed their proper
functions, they were powerful and blinded me many times my instincts drove me
to doing wrong things, they were the most glaring defects I had my desire’s for
finance, romance, and self-importance, were the only God I believed in at that
time
My natural desires were out of control and caused me tons of
trouble with friends and family I had to discover what liabilities I had and I
sure did not think I had any assets at first look, when I started making my
lists, I found I did have many assets, and they kept me balanced
Every time I imposed my free will on other people in my
life, it always came back to bite me, my anger, jealousy, and revenge were
right there, telling me its all other people, places, and things, prestige was
a big problem for me, I was president of a men’s club and ran it like a
dictator
Well I have to tell you my first inventory was very
misguided, I blamed all my problems on everything and everyone who I could
blame, it was not an inventory of my faults, sure was not looking with-In and I
sure did wallow in self-pity, I sank to a point of despair
That nothing but death looks possible as a solution, this
was not how the fourth step is intended to be used but that’s why guilt,
remorse and despair came with this type of inventory, and being in charge of a
men's club certainly was grandiose and ego feeding
Like most members of AA I to suffered severely from
self-justification, I made excuses for my drinking and many other damaging
behaviors, I made alibis and excuses a fine art I did point with pride to the
good life I thought I led before the bottle, became my God
I justified my character defects, by saying they had been
caused by my excessive drinking and I thought just staying sober was enough,
why did I need to take a moral inventory now, well the need for a list of
personal defects, was the only way I was going to find out who I really was
Just what the more serious defects and shortcomings were, I
needed to take a serious look into my motives of the past, to right the wrongs
I did drinking, looking at amends I needed to make for me it was by writing out
the letters, I had to look at what part I had in causing the acts done to me
And just what my motives were at the time, I found out that
we are all human beings, doing human things, with out regards to what Gods will
for us was at the time thoroughness ought to be the watchword when taking our
inventory
It is wise to write out our questions and answers, it will
be an aid to clear thinking and honest appraisal it will be the first tangible
evidence of our complete willingness to move forward, to make the changes I
need to so I do not have to drink again
God bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
