Daily Reflections reading August
12th
A Look Backward
First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77
As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I experienced a newfound peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was afraid I might stumble! Couldn’t I put the past out of my mind and just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at the damage I had done, and become willing to make amends. Only then could my journey of the spirit resume.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on August 12th
Reading
Steps eight and nine are concerned
with personal relations, first, I had to take a look backward and try to
discover where I had been at fault, then I had to make an honest attempt to
repair the damage I had done, third having cleaned away the debris of the my
past
I had to consider how I could now develop
the best possible relations with every human being I know, being concerned with
personal relations with others and myself, is about asking forgiveness for
myself, along with my forgiving everyone for harms done to myself
HARM is: injury, hurt, damage,
misfortune, grief, pain, sorrow, evil, wrong or wickedness.
I need to make amends for most of these
things I did to others, again asking forgiveness, personally I think the fear
of even thinking of forgiven others was my biggest obstacle in the beginning of
recovery was, very hard to not let go of the anger I had for others
Some of the things that did happen were
hurtful to me, resentments had no place in my recovery another touchy subject,
there were a lot of things I thought could be skipped over because I did things
to some but at the same time they wronged me
I had to look at purposeful forgetting
real close, because of my blackout drinking most of the time I had third hand
information on what I did, like a good drunk I sure did not believe I did those
thing, some I did remember, but just wanted to let it slide
Not at first willing to make amends,
because I feared it would Open old wounds, steps four and six were necessity
for the exhaustive survey of myself and all my personal actions, this was
really a huge obstacle, who wants to admit they are wrong in the first place
To look at all my past faults WOW I never
thought I had any, till my wonderful sponsor started to point them out in step
four and again in step six he told me to always balance the negative things
with the positive things after all we were not always doing wrong
A deepening awareness of my self was a
very positive thing it helped me to seek Gods will for me it was one of the
thing about doing this step eight is most of the harms I did when I lied or
stole from places I just did not want to admit my faults in these areas with
those who I had harmed
Or the many people I lied to because I
needed to look important and wanted to fit in with the rest of my friends, but
these amends had to be made at some point I always was judging others looking
at all there faults, so I could very nicely hide my own
Trying to make them look bad in the eyes
of others, gossip was a big thing in the clubs, I could keep up with the best
of them, when doing this step I started to judge myself and even wondered it
anyone would ever talk to me again after all I put them thru
Well with the sponsor I had you damn well
had better be objective about everything and everyone on that 100-page list of
harms done and amends to make he was a real hard core sponsor who I had no use
for in the beginning of my journey but I did come to love his honesty with me
Again I stress the positive must balance
out the negative in our amends to everyone, it was a relief to know most of
them did forgive me and for the other who could not forgive, I tried to just
clean up the wreckage on my side of the street
I had to forgive myself in these cases so
I would not hold resentment, making this list in Step eight and being willing
to go to any length to stay sober, gave my the freedom to see how I was just a
part of the great whole
God bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
