Daily
Reflections reading May 6th
Hold Back Nothing
The
real tests of the situation are your own willingness to confide and your full
confidence in the one with whom you you share your first accurate self-survey. .
. . Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute
to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and
miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a
healing tranquility takes its place. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS p.
61-62,
A
tiny kernel of locked-in feelings began to unfold when I first attended A.A.
meetings and self-knowledge then became a learning task for me. This new
self-understanding brought about a change in my responses to life’s situations.
I realized I had the right to make choices in my life, and the inner
dictatorship of habits slowly lost its grip. I believe that if I seek God I can
find a better way to live and I ask Him daily to assist me in living a sober
life.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on May 6th Reading
Having made a personal inventory I have been trying to get a
new attitude of gratitude, hold back nothing finding a new relationship with my
higher power, to discover the obstacles in my path I have admitted my own
defects I have a rough draft of what problems I have found
Thru this personal inventory, I found many of my
shortcomings I needed to deal with, this required action on my part to find
someone to share this inventory with, so I can admit to God to myself and to
another human being the exact nature of my defects
This is the Fifth Step difficult to find the right person to
discuss my defects with, it was bad enough admitting these things to myself,
but I know it was necessary to stay sober, this was a good reason why I had to
make the effort I was told if I try to skip a step
I might revert to my past behaviors and once again find
myself drunk, I had to be entirely honest if I expect to live long in this
world, I needed to think carefully before I chose the person or persons to take
this intimate and confidential step five
I tried to keep certain facts about my life secret, even
from my sponsor, I was not sure about telling him everything, I guess mis-trust
played a big part in that, he told me to take the step at the AA retreat we are
going to, I took his suggestion once again and found a priest to take my
inventory with
Not that I trusted him any more than my sponsor, I just knew
he could not speak of it to anyone, I had to complete my own street cleaning,
but I had to share the very worst of me to that other human being later on in
my recovery I did share all my inventory with my sponsor
By this time I trusted him completely, I deflated my Ego and
fear, I had humbled myself I had found the true humility being fearlessness and
honest with myself and finally my sponsor, today my memories are not nightmares
I don’t fear what others might think of me
I don’t bury these memories inside myself, I don’t fear
others knowing, telling my story to someone who will understand yet is
unaffected, being hard on myself, but always considerate of others, it was
important that he be able to keep a confidence
Sharing every twist of character I had, every dark cranny of
my past, very open and honest, with this priest I had taken this step
withholding nothing, what a relief it was I needed to find a place where I
could carefully reflect on what I had just shared, I thanked God for letting me
know He is in my life
God bless you Al M
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