My thoughts
on August 16th Reading
I Had Dropped Out
We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we
say that we have “harmed” other people. What kinds of “harm” do people do one another,
anyway? To define the word “harm” in a practical way, we might call it the
result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or
spiritual damage to people. TWELVE
STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS , p. 80
I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, “I really haven’t harmed many people, mostly myself.” But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from you – it was that simple. People hadn’t done what I wanted them to do and intimate relationships were out of hand because of my partners unreasonable demands. Were these “sins of omission”? Because of my drinking, I had “dropped out” – never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on August 16th
Reading
We might next ask ourselves what we mean
when we say that we have “harmed” other people. What kinds of “harm” do people
do one another, anyway? To define the word “harm” in a practical way, we might
call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental,
emotional, or spiritual damage to people.
Like many others in recovery I had still
catered to the child with-in-me way to often, in the early days of my recover
the steps did bring out these faults in my character and I knew I had to change
them but how was this to be done
False pride was my one of the harms done,
I did not think I had a problem drinking I was proud of all the crap I pulled thinking,
I was better than most, well if I did not lose that false pride building up my
ego I wound never have know how much I hurt others with my big mouth
Pride was another excuse to do as I
wanted, doing things to anyone at any time, I was to proud to admit I could
ever be wrong in anything I did, I liked to feel and act superior to others,
the drink gave me this false courage to be anything my drunken mind wanted for
me
Today I can admit my mistakes and try to
correct them, I take pride in myself for the things I have accomplished in
recovery, proud to be a loving, kind, respectful, husband, proud to be a father
to my children, pride is a good thing it used rightly, not to feel superior to
others
Greed was a big part of my make-up I
always wanted everything and I did not care how I got it or who I had hurt
getting it still not looking at how I harmed everyone who I took from the need
for more was never satisfied, even in my drinking it was always more and more
Today I know greed can be hidden in many
ways, like feeling superior, pretending I am the greatest taken more then I
deserve, to better myself at the expense of others, just more character defects
I need to keep in check can't tell you how many I harmed with my greed
Lust wow this really got the best of me
drinking, I really thought I was the great I am and everyone should fall all
over me, I was the perfect man, how could anyone not want me, lust caused many
problems in my marriage I said and did many harmful things
Thanks God this is one defect that has been removed, today I have
a soul mate and would not let anything get in the way of this fantastic
relationship, Sandy and I have we were joined by God with all His blessings
Anger don’t we all know what that can do
to us, I used my anger towards my father as a reason for everything I did
wrong, I hated this man for twenty years or more and have never met him to this
day but he was a ready made excuse for me and my behaviors
Today I leave the hatred, anger and
resentments out side the door, they have no place in my heart, or mind, I do
not need to poison myself with hate and anger anymore I did untold damage to my
family and friends with anger more harms done
Gluttony to me is along the lines of
greed to some extent it has ruined my health and well-being I grab for
everything I could having fear I’ll never have enough of anything in life food
clothes wealth wanted it all
Today I know God will provide Sandy and I
with all our needs, we do not hoard possessions, we have been provided with
food, clothing, shelter, and God has granted us some of the things we want
again when drunk my needs came first booze was more important than feeding my
family
Envy yes had a lot of that to watching
others get what I thought I deserved more than they did willing to cause them
problems to discredit them in the work place putting them down because I
thought of them as less than
Today envy does not play a huge part in
my life, but its one of the things I think we all hold onto in one way or
another, as long as I recognize this it does not become a problem like in my
past envy is just another form of anger, fear and resentment
Sloth I called this excuses not to have
to do the things I needed to do, like provide for my family, working a full
time job, not working enough to pay for the booze and if any was left over
provide for my family another harm I had to make amends for thanks to God this
has been done also
This is not a problem with me today I
don't try to get things with minimum effort, I try to think of others and have
become the man God wanted me to become in the first place, I do have more
character defects to let go of, but this is the lot of anyone who is human we
strive for perfection
Like anyone else who comes into to the
halls, I had a whole lot of amends to make to family, friends and many other
people, by accepting my personal limitations as a human being, the best I can
do is progress toward that elusive perfection
God bless you Al M
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