Daily Reflections reading August
18th
Getting Well
Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging
emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. 12 & 12, pp. 79-80
Only through positive action can I remove the remains of guilt and shame brought on by alcohol. Throughout my misadventures when I drank, my friends would say, “Why are you doing this? You’re only hurting yourself.” Little did I know how true were those words. Although I harmed others, some of my behavior caused grave wounds to my soul. Step Eight provides me with a way of forgiving myself. I alleviate much of the hidden damage when I make my list of those I have hurt. In making amends, I free myself of burdens, thus contributing to my healing.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on August 18th Reading
my guilt trips were so
overpowering little blame was passed on to others, , even those who were guilty
of committing offenses against me, I was trained to accept their guilt and
shame, to keep their secrets, deep with-in being the youngest of four boys I
had a lot of secrets
my fear to resist what
they wanted keep me holding others
secrets, yes I allowed them to lead me into humiliation of myself, pride, ego,
self-justification, and hidden hatred, including self-hatred, very early were
woven into the fabric of my life
I used these defects
to judge everyone, this gave me the power to criticize and condemn anyone I
wanted to, I became self-centered, as long as my own secrets were left alone, I
did need these defects to survive, I allowed them to inflect emotional harm
I did allow emotional
conflicts to persist below the level of consciousness, this did gave my
emotions violent twists in my personality, and had altered my life for the
worst my basic flaws were responsible for the whole pattern of my life
I had to work thru my
past, face the fears of my secrets to be free. to have a meaningful
relationship with anyone being conscious of my
relationships with others, I now could see how I behaved with myself and
those around me, I had been encouraged to keep focus on myself not others
fear and delusional
thinking made it impossible to have any kind of sane relationship with anyone,
self examination can form an unshakable foundation for a new life, always
remembering life is change, growth is optional, I can't criticize, judge, or
condemn myself
I need to trust in God's love to help me thru my past, so I can let go of all the secrets I have, today I am not responsible for the disease of others in my family, or others in my life
I had to write my
feelings down, about how much people hurt me, I wrote letters to people in my
life, telling them how I felt about them, the way they treated me, and the way
I treated them, these letters were to be shared with my sponsor so he could
help me see what was happening with my negative way of thinking
This show me who and
what I really was, I started healing
the tragic pains of my own life, I did not need to fear the real truth, I no
longer needed to hide from the child with-in, I know he needs nourishment to
grow, I needed to take the time to know myself and others who care for me
fear, anger, misunderstanding, or denial have
shown me boundaries, I don't have to fear or hide any feelings anymore, I
stopped running, I could fearlessly deal with what's really happening, in my
new way of life free from fears and misunderstanding
I needed to have the best possible
relationship with others, this had to be formed on a basis of true honesty,
self-honesty first and foremost so I could share my feelings, of resentment,
hurt, or anything else, before I always stuffed these feelings, today I must
continue share things
every troubled day is
an opportunity to get to know myself a little better, it's an invitation to
face the truth about myself, all I really needed to do is accept this new way
of living, have the willingness to accept, who I have become accepting God, as I understand Him,
staying completely
open minded to make changes in myself I at long last found the key to freedom
and happiness, acceptance is truly the answer to all my problems, accepting
only my part in how I behaved, not the part of others who are in our my life
The child with-in must
stop being the influence in my life that child needs to grow up, and give me
strength to walk thru the torment and horror of my past, today I can walk thru with God at my side,
He is the only one who can give me the love and protection, I need, God will
never let me walk alone, I must clean up my past, so I can live in the
A life of sharing is far better than controlling or letting anyone control me, true love is caring and sharing openly everything in the present, my past need not be carried into my new life, except when it will benefit or help someone else, without harming anyone, I must remember my past so I will never repeat it
when the going is
over-whelming, and I fell less than, not deserving of, when times are at there
darkest, I must believe God is carrying me, when I climbed the mountains of my
life, I stop when the going was overwhelming, I turn around for a moment, see
where I have been
see how much I
had accomplished, how far I had come,
see how many times God encouraged me, helped me, or carried me, His unconditional
love and my acceptance of His love, is what keeps me focused on my recovery
God bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
