Daily
Reflections reading May 4th
Entirely Honest
We
must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in
this world. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 73-74
Honesty,
like all virtues, is to be shared. It began after I shared “. . . [my] whole
life’s story with someone . . . ” in order to find my place in the Fellowship.
Later I shared my life in order to help the newcomer find his place with us.
This sharing helps me to learn honesty in all my dealings and to know that
God’s plan for me comes true through honest openness and willingness.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on May 4th Reading
Step four and
five sure did go contrary to my natural desires, talk about deflate my ego,
step five was the hardest one, but just like all the other steps I had to take
this one if I wanted sobriety looking over my drinking days these steps were to
help me sift thru my past experiences
The ones I
wanted to hide in a deep cave, I did not want anyone to know what an ass I
really was much less share them with another person, fear and reluctance to do
this got in my way, I thought maybe I could skip this step, after all I knew
what I had done, God knew what I had done
Why was it
important for another human being to hear what I had been like in my past,
guess I was searching for an easier softer way, I had to really clean my side
of the street, trying to be entirely honest with myself and another person
I know I could
not carry this burden alone, irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression,
would lead me back to a bottle and I had to really look at what part I played
in blaming, people, places, and things I knew what my character defects and
shortcomings were
I knew I had
to find this other human being to share being entirely honest but who was this
going to be, I know I would project on them and eventually would go back to
blaming others for my own mistakes step five was the very beginning of being
honest with others and myself
I lost me fear
of being an outcast, because of how I perceived I was the worst person in the
world, I did torture myself, loneliness was my lot until I found the love of AA
and a sense of belonging step five did give me the feeling I could be forgiven
no matter what I had done
After doing
this step I felt really able to forgive others, no matter how deeply they had
hurt me, all-round forgiveness was the only way for this alkie to go, I was
able to receive forgiveness and give forgiveness, honesty about myself was one
of the many benefits of doing Step Five
A solitary
appraisal and the admission of my defects based upon my thoughts alone was not
enough, I had admit the truth about myself with the help of God and this other
human being, I know what came to me in my own mind was the rationalization and
wishful thinking
Sharing with another and getting his
comment on my situation, I knew going it alone was dangerous again the problem
was to find a person to confide in, I was relieved because I was going to an AA
spiritual week end where I could take this step with a priest
I was not to
sure about talking all this out with my sponsor and he was the one to suggest I
do it at the retreat, what a relief it was to finally get this out in the open
where I could not project on it any more it was a relief from isolation because
of my open and honest sharing of my burden of guilt
This did free
me from the pain and anxiety I had working up to this fifth step, sharing every
thing as honesty as I could possibly be trying not to leave anything out, as
time went by I needed to redo this fifth step as things did come back to mind
as I slowly grew in the program
God bless you
Al M
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