Daily Reflections reading August
20th
Toward Emotional Freedom
Since defective relations with other human beings
have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism,
no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than
this one. TWELVE STEPS AND
TWELVE TRADITIONS , p. 80
Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself. I felt forgiveness toward others after I became aware of my part in the difficulties of relationships. I wanted to feel the peace and serenity described in the Promises. From working the first seven Steps, I became aware of whom I had harmed and that I had been my own worst enemy. In order to restore my relationships with my fellow human beings, I knew I would have to change. I wanted to learn to live in harmony with myself and others so that I could also live in emotional freedom. The beginning of the end to my isolation – from my fellows and from God – came when I wrote my Eighth Step list.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on August 20th Reading
It's the second part
of the eighth step that caused me many problems, it's one thing to become
willing to repay your creditors quite another to actually do it, to get even
close to being willing to make amends to my ex my mind raged with what did I do
wrong
You know how it goes most of the people I mentioned in my
inventory we're in this difficult if not impossible category what became obvious
was that I was a long way from letting go of my anger at my ex because she did
not want me back ever again
Step eight acts as a second inventory, it let's me know who
I harmed and work I still needed to do It was awhile before I could really see,
and accept, my part in my wife not wanting me back with her
After all no marriage falls apart just because of one person
Step eight drove me deeper down to where my own poor
self-worth, and resulting righteous indignation boiled and bubbled over family
issues were the most difficult, because it's so easy to see where and how I had
been wronged, not how I had wronged the other
In many cases we have been wronged, I had to work through
those feelings before I got to my part in what happened, getting to my part in
the problem was an absolute must – it's the only way I could build up a true
picture of myself
With willingness, asking for help at meetings, from my
sponsor, my subtle and not so subtle actions became clear and, bit-by-bit, I
let go more importantly, I was moving toward taking true responsibility for my
past – a truly powerful step!
This emotional freedom was not in the picture at this faze
of my recovery I had to get into action working on step nine, actually making
all the amends on my list this is the only way I was going to get emotional
balance
Step Nine was to clear away all the guilt and bad feelings I
had been left with so I can start a new way of life I have made that long, long
list of people in Step Eight that I have harmed and told God I was willing to
make amends to them all
I sure was tempted to skip the more humiliating and dreaded
amends that still remain, I often tried to use excuses for not doing these, I
procrastinated, but in reality I had passed up many chances to right a serious
wrong fear kept me from trying at first
As I began to feel confident I could talk in complete
frankness with those who have been seriously affected, the only exceptions I had
to make were cases where my making the amends could have cause actual harm at
someone expense so I could feel good
This was the only one consideration to qualify my desire for a complete disclosure of the damage I had done, I could not raise a situation where to make a full revelation would seriously harm the one I was making the amends to
I had to be absolutely sure I was not delaying because I
still had fear of that unknown I had to have the readiness to take the full
consequences of my past and to take responsibility for the well-being of others
at the same time, this is the very spirit of Step Nine
It was the taken of steps four thru nine that finally freed
me from bondage of self gave me a course of action to find myself I was well on
my way toward this elusive emotional freedom I was looking for, with out the
guidance of my sponsor I could not do these steps
Please feel free to mail
suggestions or comments
