Daily
Reflections reading May 3rd
Cleaning House
Somehow,
being alone with God doesn’t seem as embarrassing as facing up to another
person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloud about what we have so long hidden,
our willingness to clean house is still largely theoretical. TWELVE STEPS AND
TWELVE TRADITIONS, p 60
It
wasn’t unusual for me to talk to God, and myself, about my character defects.
But to sit down, face to face, and openly discuss these intimacies with another
person was much more difficult. I recognized in the experience, however, a
similar relief to the one I had experienced when I first admitted I was an
alcoholic. I began to appreciate the spiritual significance of the program and
that this Step was just an introduction to what was yet to come in the
remaining seven Steps.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on May 3rd Reading
When I was working the fourth step I saw
a person on the paper I had never seen before, a person I just did not ever
want to be again I am grateful for the cleaning house part of the program, it
let me see myself for the first time, I have to work these Steps every day
To not be that person I saw with these
writings, how I was hurting myself and others, because of this program, these
Steps, and my Higher Power, I can work on me without the drink I can live my
life today without the pain of my past
I begin to restore my emotional needs, a
mere beginning walking thru the door of step three, entered into the fearless
step four, where I started to look at what went wrong in my past, looking at
all I had squandered away with my unbalanced attitudes
Now learning how to feel real feelings,
real emotions, for the first time, this is where alcoholism has affect every
part of my life, family, friends, work, creditors I had to start on a
constructive path making me aware of my character defects and shortcomings
I had to look at my fears and resentment,
showing me all about my ego and low self-esteem, the inventory was to look at
myself, not at others who are in my life, cleaning house is about my house not
someone else’s house
I started step five, it helped me to
share what I had found with another human being, my sponsor sharing relieved me
of the burden of going it alone, it got me out of myself and into balance, it
also gave me feed back from my sponsor, to see where I may have been telling
myself lies
I need to examine all my character
defects and shortcomings to see what areas of my life needed the most cleaning
out, I sure had a real dirty house to clean after all if had not been cleaned
in my drinking days, I needed to be careful and balance out the good with the
bad
This step helped me not to react
situations in life, but to learn how to act upon them I had learn humility,
honesty, and being responsible, I started to assume my own responsibility, for
all my actions, I started to develop an attitude of gratitude toward others I
affected
Real sobriety started making that list of
harms done by me, becoming willing to make amends really letting go of the old
stuff, making my new home livable, working with this power greater than myself,
I found myself believing that power was God
Prayer and meditation gave my the freedom
to truly grow in His light, freeing me from bondage, I try to practice my new
sobriety by reaching out of myself, to help the still sick and suffering find
the strength to start on their journey into a new way of life
God bless you Al M
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