Daily Reflections reading April 2nd
Character Building
Demands made upon other people for too much
attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion….
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44
When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn’t think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this “need” can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that’s fine; but if I don’t, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear. Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A.A. program, my aim is to improve my character.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My thoughts on April 2nd Reading
This reading is taken
out of step four in the twelve steps and twelve traditions, before trying to do
an inventory I had to have a closer look at what my basic problems were, simple
problems take on a world of new meaning when I humbly think about them
Have I placed a sex
desire ahead of everything else, this urge could have destroy my chances for a
happy marriage, emotional stability, as well as material security, I had to
look closely at it all, did I develop an unhealthy obsession for wealth, that I
wanted to do nothing but hoard money,
Could I become a miser,
or even a recluse, denying my family and friends, was my quest for security
expressed in terms of money, was I determined to completely depend upon life’s
responsibilities with my own resources never really growing up
When it came to
drinking, disillusionment and helplessness were my lot, alcohol robbed me of
all my friends, who did drop me like a hot potato, again I was left alone and
afraid, I know I played the roll of God, I was devoted to ruling the world
Only to throw to the
winds every chance for my true security and a happy purposeful life, I sure did
become a battleground for my instincts gone wild, there was no peace, every
time I imposed my own character defects unreasonably upon others, and
unhappiness did follow
I trampled over many
people who happen to be in the way, then you know, anger, jealousy, and
revenge, surely followed, know body wants to be pushed around, demand made upon
other people for too much attention, protection, and love, only invite
domination or revulsion
When my own desire for
prestige became uncontrollable other people suffer and often revolted, this
battle of my instincts most times produce blazing revolution on my part My
character defect and shortcomings running wild, were the underlying cause of
most of my destructive drinking, I drank to drown feelings, of fear,
frustration, and depression
I did drink for glory,
to enjoy the foolish dreams of pomp and power, this sickness is not pleasant to
look upon, when I thought I had all the power and control, Ego deflated, I sunk
to a point of despair that nothing but oblivion looks possible, as a solution
death looked like a good idea at this point
I had lost all
perspective and genuine humility, I made this all about poor me, this sure is
not a moral inventory, blaming others was another wonderful excuse for avoiding
an inventory, my anxieties. Troubles, fears were all caused by the behavior and
mistreatment of other people
Who really need a moral
inventory, I at the time did firmly believe if only they’d treat me better and
listened to the great Al we would all be better off, after all my indignation
is justified and reasonable all my resentments are the right kind
All the guilt and shame
should be on them, not poor me, thanks to God I had a spiritual awakening and
learned from my sponsor the truth about myself, I could re-think the fourth
step and focus on my character defects not those of others
God Bless you Al M
Please feel free to mail
suggestions or comments
