Daily
Reflections reading August 27th
Centering
Our Thoughts
When
World War II broke out, our A.A. dependence on a Higher Power had its first
major test. A.A.’s entered the services and were scattered all over the world.
Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure . .
. ? As Bill Sees It, p.200
We all have
dependence at the level of every day living, I think we all at times do tend to
forget just how unconscious of that dependence we are, most houses have
electricity, running water, plumbing, modern heating systems, modern kitchens,
all just taken for granted until something happens to disturb all this
Accepting our
dependence over these modern convinces, we find ourselves more independent
personally in our comfort and security, in our normal daily activities, I know
when I had to depend on these simple things, like when we had to have the surgeries
Sandy and I had, and now need more surgery we have to depend on these every day
things
I have to be
depending on the good Doctors and nurses to do their jobs, I also have to
remember that God did supply the knowledge to them to do that work, but when I
was mentally and spiritually sick I sure did behave differently, the great know
it all could decide by myself what he can or can not do and how he was going to
do it
I weighed the pros
and cons of every problem listened politely to advise, but all the decisions to
make were mine alone, in my all powerful sick mind I was never going to let
anyone mess with my independence, besides there is no one I can trust with
this, I knew my willpower could control my life and guarantee me success
Well my sponsor told
me I was full of crap, if you think your will power alone will work try it on
diarrhea, sure I was play God with my life and the lives of all who loved and
cared for me He told me to read the story about the man in the glass, he knew
one good look in the mirror ought to be answer enough for me and my God like
attitude
I had to take a look
at the results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency I saw how people
are filled with anger and fear, always fighting over who is right or wrong,
well after looking I knew I was self-righteously imposing my will upon my
family and all my fair weather friends
This just gave me
less peace and less love and tolerance, like so many before me the final
achievement is ruining my life and the lives of my friends and family, who were
trying to stand by my childish behaviors
As an alcoholic I
consider myself fortunate indeed, I had that near-fatal encounter with the
juggernaut of self-will, and I have suffered enough under its weight to look
elsewhere, I admitted defeat, I acquired the faith in a group of drunks, then I
wanted to make a decision to turn my will and my life over to a Higher Power,
who I choose to call God
Today I am aware
that there are wrong forms of dependence I have experienced this false
dependence upon my family and friends, to bail out my butt in many situations
of my making dependence on my Higher Power, my AA group and on the twelve steps
of recovery,
Has for me produced
fantastic results in changing myself and all my attitudes about responsibility
the dependence I learned in the steps has carried me thru all kinds of
tragedies in my daily living, sickness, death, horrors of watching kids dying
from the disease
With God at my side I can’t let anything make me
unhappy and threaten my sobriety I have to remain dependent upon Gods will for
me each day and accept His will be done, It was only when I tried to make my
will conform with God's that I begin to use my free will in the manor it was
intended
Yes my whole trouble had been the misuse of my willpower,
I did try to bombard my problems with it, instead of attempting to bring it
into agreement with God's intention for me To make this increasingly possible
is the purpose of AA’s Twelve Steps, Step Three opens the door to the beginning
of our finding ourselves
God bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
