Daily
Reflections reading April 5th
True
brotherhood
We
have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be
a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle
to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior
blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true
brotherhood we had small comprehension. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p.
53
This
message contained in Step Four was the first one I heard loud and clear; I
hadn’t seen myself in print before! Prior to my coming into A.A., I knew of no
place that could teach me how to become a person among persons. From my very
first meeting, I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of
the reasons that I’m a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I’m learning this
most important lesson
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on April 5th Reading
If I didn’t care about society or my fellowship I would die,
so my emotions for my relationship with family and others in my life along with
emotional security are necessary I know my instincts often far exceed their
proper functions
Every serious emotional problem I had can be seen as a case
of my own misdirected instinct turned into physical and mental liabilities, I
needed to find where my natural desires have warped me I needed to discover my
shortcomings and character defects
I then could start to move toward correcting them, with a
searching and fearless moral inventory, I quickly found the faith that works in
daily living, is still out of reach for me, I still needed the humility to
trust in your God
Fear kept me depending completely upon my problems with my
own resources, I never grew up in time everyone ran from me because I was
power-mad, I attempting to rule with an iron fist this did throw away every chance I had for a real
happy life with family and friends
My troubles I thought were caused by the behavior of other
people not me, people who really need a moral inventory, if only they'd treat
me better, my indignation was justified and my resentments are the right kind
to keep me in my misery for a long time
As a newcomer I did have some assets but not many, my
liabilities out weight them, they did form a little balance when I fearlessly
look at my defects, self-justification was my excuse for everything It never
occurred to me I needed to change myself to meet my problems
I had to stop blaming others I needed to look at my part in
the damage caused by my drinking, when making my inventory I needed to find out
what my character defects were, the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, greed, lust,
anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth
For me false pride did lead to self-justification, all my
feelings were from fear that made more character defects, unreasonable fear
that my instincts will not be satisfied, my instincts were threatened by my
fear, both my pride and my fear beat me back every time
My character defects did represent instincts gone wild, this
was the primary cause of my drinking, but now I am willing to work hard at
eliminating the worst of my defects, my faulty foundation of life will be torn
out and built on a new foundation of solid bedrock
Step Four is the beginning of a lifetime practice I had to
look at where my selfish pursuit of finance romance and self-importance damage
other people, who had I hurt and how badly did I spoil my marriage and injure
my children with my selfish ways when drinking
Had to look at how I reacted to these situations, at the
time I had guilt, remorse, and shame, but I still insist at times I was the
pursued and not the pursuer, I took out my self-righteous anger on other people
places and thing when this happened
From my twisted relations with family, friends, and society
at large, I did suffered the most, I have been ignorant and stubborn about
them, my egomania made me try to dominate my friends and family I did lean
heavily on people
They fail me they are human and could not possibly meet my
demands when I try to manipulate others to my own willful desires, they revolt,
then my feeling were hurt this self-centered behavior blocked a partnership
with any one around me of true brotherhood
I had small comprehension, it was wise to write out my
questions it aided to clear thinking and honest appraisal of myself, it was the
first evidence of my willingness to move forward with humility. To find the God,
of my understanding, I made the decision in step three the actions have just
begun
God bless you Al M
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