Daily
Reflections reading April 3rd
Accepting Our Humanness
We
finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man’s. So we
admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 222
Why
is it that the alcoholic is so unwilling to accept responsibility? I used to
drink because of the things that other people did to me. Once I came to A.A. I
was told to look at where I had been wrong. What did I have to do with all
these different matters? When I simply accepted that I had a part in them, I
was able to put it on paper and see it for what it was – humanness. I am not
expected to be perfect! I have made errors before and I will make them again.
To be honest about them allows me to accept them – and myself – and those with
whom I had the differences; from there, recovery is just a short distance
ahead.
©
Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on April 3rd Reading
Fearless moral inventory right well
fearless alone scared the crap out of me never mind moral, but I had to accept
my humanness my first attempt was looking at things others did to me,
everything I perceived they did to poor me
Not
too much about how I treated others or any of the real wrongs that I did to
them, I had a very negative way of taken a look at myself after all I was the
victim not them, wish I had seen the light then and accepted their humanness
When I started doing the fourth step I
started by writing out all the things that happened, I never want to forget
where I came from, I also used the journals to make my web site, I began to see
how wrong I had been how I hurt so many people in my drunken ways
I did not like what I saw looking at
myself and all the crap I put others thru when drinking, I know now I did not
have any acceptance of anyone else’s feelings until I arrived in the halls, I
was an angry, broken, twisted, hopelessly lost person drowning in that bottle
of booze
I did not like looking at how I was at
fault trying to control everyone and every thing in my life, I wanted everyone
to look up to me love me and have respect for me even when I lied to them I
demanded too much from them I was playing God with the lives of everyone around
me
It was really a drunken stupid one-sided
relationship I had with the whole world, I was told to look at what part I play
in all this mess of crap I wrote out still blaming others, I was told to start
over and do it right after all moral is what’s right and wrong in you and your
attitude
Not in those you perceived did you wrongs
to you in your life, I had to start a list of all the people that I harmed
planning to make amends to them later, looking at the fearless part for all the
wrong things I did write down in this inventory
I had to also look at as many positive
things that happened in my life, real hard to do when you think you’re a piece
of pond scum, hopeless useless not worth anything, well the positive kept me
balanced and focused on the meaning of the inventory
I had to look at all of the good in my
life, to balance off all the sick things I did drinking, was a long time
accepting I could change and become the person God wanted me to be but I had to
find that acceptance of myself and be willing to change the person I was
I had to learn how to forgive myself and
also to ask forgiveness from those who I hurt, this was to help me get the
stuff out of my head and on paper where I can't project on it, only then would
I be able to honesty share it with another human being in my fifth step
It was the beginning of accepting
forgiveness moving on with my new life walking with God, keeping an attitude of
gratitude with an open mind is what I strive for in this new life, I don't know
what Gods plans are for the future but I am glad to be part of them today
God
does know who I am and what I have done and He has already forgiven me, God has
worked wonders in my acceptance of myself and of others in my life, He keeps me
right sized and I like being just another bozo in the middle of the bus, I pray
you can find the strength to look into your pass and change as I have
God Bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
