Daily
Reflections reading June 19th
A.A. Regeneration
Such
is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat
and weakness, the loss of one’s old life as a condition for finding a new one.
A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46
A thousand
beatings by John Barleycorn did not encourage me to admit defeat. I believed it
was my moral obligation to conquer my “enemy-friend.” At my first A.A. meeting
I was blessed with a feeling that it was all right to admit defeat to a disease
which had nothing to do with my “moral fiber.” I knew instinctively that I was
in the presence of a great love when I entered the doors of A.A. With no effort
on my part, I became aware that to love myself was good and right, as God had
intended. My feelings set me free, where my thoughts had held me in bondage. I
am grateful.
© Alcoholics Anonymous World Services
My
thoughts on June 19th Reading
Who is this new me well its the same person I was when I was
born alcohol and a fear driven EGO made my into another person even I did not
know
The only God I knew of was this fearful condemning God who
hated me and condemned me to hell because of this at first I had a real hard
time with changing my way of living
I did not want God or His condemning judging ways in my life
anymore So I needed to change the Me who I came into the halls that little boy
with-in needed to get out
the first thing I really had to do was to find myself and
that is not an easy thing to do When you have been living in lies and tell
everyone else lies most of your life
It’s very difficult to do this alone that’s why I needed the
12 steps along with God and my sponsor to help me find out who I was and what
purpose I had here in this new way of life
Being Ego driven most of my life I thought I had very high
esteem of myself but the truth was I used that Ego to make me much more
important than I could ever have been
inflating my EGO to the point I had to lie and used these
lies as my own truths not respecting anyone
I found out that nobody had any respect or trust for me and
that my word was a bunch of crap
AA has taught me that if I want people to respect me I need
to become respectable if I want people to trust me I have to become trustworthy
become honest with people
Also needed to be absolutely honest with myself finding out
what lies I told and how I had to change the way I tried to live in those lies
and make others believe them
when I first started to tell the truth I thought the world
would come to an end Fear of the truth was the most horrible thing I ever faced
in my life at that point
and of course this did turned out to be a false fear of
letting others know the real ME who I am today is a man who has been accepted
in this fellowship with all my defects
God my sponsor and people like you showed me how to turn
defects into assets who I am today with there help is a man of honor and
dignity
with respect of all in my life I have learned to be true to
myself as well as those around me Thanks for being here and thanks for given me
a Loving forgiven God
God bless you Al M
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suggestions or comments
